four conversations with which i prove that cedar is not okay

number one: the snake and the rock

me: do you see that snake down there on the ground?
cedar: yes. it is beautiful. we should not throw something at it.

me: that is true. we shouldn’t.
cedar: yes. someone might find out.

me: well. maybe it just is not such a good idea. we could hurt it.
cedar: yes. and somebody might get mad.

me: really cedar we just should not want to hurt the snake.
cedar: yes. and someone might find out we did it because a rock would crush the snake.

me: cedar?
cedar: what?

me: i think you need serious help.
cedar: no. i can throw the rock by myself.

number two: building materials

cedar: i am going to make a house but i don’t know what to use to hold it together.
me: you could use nails.

cedar: no. nails could hurt me if they got into me.
me: how about mud?

cedar: no. papa will say i am not allowed to use the hose.
me: some people use cinder blocks.

cedar: they are too heavy for me. oh. i know! i could use blood.
me: blood?

cedar: yes. blood is sticky and it dries.
me: you see no other problem with using blood?

cedar: (thinking) no. blood will be perfect.

number three: dinner

cedar: what are we having for dinner?
me: i don’t know. what would you like?

cedar: i want something that will not come off my fork.
me: so, spaghetti is out?

cedar: we should have them with rice.
me: have what with rice?

cedar: the eyeballs. they will not come off my fork.
me: and where are we going to get these eyeballs?

cedar: not monkeys. monkeys are cute. (thinking) i know–from people.
me: what people?

cedar: nobody we know, strangers.

number four: spider in a bathtub

there is a spider in the bathtub and it is beautiful. cedar has been watching it all morning and giving me updates. around two, cedar tires of the spider. he calls me into the bathroom and says,

i will let the spider die now,

and turns on the faucet before i can stop him.